Not every
pregnancy is planned. In fact,I’m inclined to believe that so many of us
came about by accidental discharge, following the way we behave these
days.
Even
amongst married folks who are licensed to have sex, we hear horror
stories of unplanned pregnancies. No wonder abortion clinics are popping
out just about everywhere. People seem not to care about safe sex or
understand the simple meaning of contraception.
Well, I’m not
here to educate you on that. You can check your local community health
care center for proper information. My job here is to let you in on what
happens when someone comes and tells you that they got accidentally
pregnant.
I will not blame the female folk today until next time. Guys are going to get the heat for this one.
1. “I Pull Out Before I Shoot Out’
Oshey, Lord
Withdrawal! Didn’t they tell you that your pre-cum has enough sperm from
your last wank session to father a child? Oh okay, you pee in-between
sessions. Nice move. But you can’t honestly tell me that there weren’t a
few slip-ups in all your pull out encounters. You and I know that the
sweetest part is when you offload all your goods in the right warehouse.
So stop applauding yourself for staining the sheets. And just a little
reminder, someone in the bible days died because of this type of thing.
2. ‘It’s The Woman’s Responsibility To Handle Contraception’
This is how so
many clueless men have been lied to. She tells you she’s on the pill or
that she’ll pop some after and you believe and go in without protection.
This same babe will come back a month later and tell you the pill(s)
didn’t work. Dude, never believe any of that nonsense a woman says
before sex. Always have yourself locked and loaded.
3. ‘I Tear Open The Condom Package With My Teeth’
It’s good to
get the mouth, and sometimes even the teeth involved during sex but
please, use your fingers to tear open the condom package. Why? To avoid
poking a hole into the condom, stupid. The only hole you should be
poking should be… never mind. The wise ones understand what I’m talking
about.
4. Putting On Or Taking Off The Condom During Sex
Okay, seriously
I don’t get this part. You start having sex then halfway, for whatever
reason, you say ‘oops! sorry, I forgot to use a condom’ and then you put
one on. Have you heard of pre-cum? Obviously not. Google it. Then for
those of you who decide ‘this condom thing is killing my vibe’ and
decide to remove it halfway, please go for quality stuff next time or
learn how to wear on a condom correctly or just get married and stay
faithful mbok.
5. ‘We Had Sex During Her Period’
First of
all…eww! Second, don’t deceive yourself. Women have and can get pregnant
during their periods. Some medical practitioners will not agree to this
but others will. It has been found that some women ovulate when they
are menstruating, so next time while dipping into the Red Sea, be sure
to use a life jacket. If you go releasing your little swimmers with no
protection, one of them is bound to swim upstream and catch something
you’re not prepared for.
6. I’ve Had The Condom For Three Years
My dear
brother, I know it’s a quality brand product and probably cost you a few
hundred naira and you’re saving it for prime V, or just maybe you
haven’t been laid in a long time; but it’s no reason for you to leave it
in your wallet until it either expires or becomes useless. Use it when
it’s still good or throw it away.
7. ‘I Like My Condom Tight’
And so you push
your penis all in to fill the condom tip. Bros, unless your penis is
shaped exactly like a condom, please desist from tightening things in
there. You have to leave that space for the spill. If you don’t, the
condom will break. I’m tempted to say it’s not ‘rocket’ science but erm…
8. ‘We Had Sex While Standing’
First of all,
buhahahahaha! For real? So, let me understand the logic. You did it
while standing and all of the semen spilled to the floor and none was
left in her. Hmmm… In physics, following the law of gravity, it makes
sense. But not in biology, which may have a law somewhere that states
‘what goes in, stays in’. You should know that the vagina is one place
that may not have a door but has a way of keeping things in. Be Warned!
Basically, just don’t be stupid during sex. Protect yourself and your woman. Use a condom.
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