Oh He Never Told Me About His Other Child!

Life is not a place of joke... I am going through the worst days of my life. I will try to keep my story short and concise. My husband and I have the best of relationships. We are very good friends and good lovers too. A lot of our friends and family have ad­mired our relationship over the years. Strangers look at us and want to be like us. It has been three years of blissful to­getherness as husband and wife and so far, it has been sweet and smooth.

A few weeks ago, however, I discov­ered my loving husband had a child outside our marriage. The lady he has the child with has been texting and call­ing him non-stop. I sensed something was wrong and asked him but he kept giving me different excuses. It bothered me because I started feeling he was hid­ing something from me.

We were home one day when I no­ticed he kept ignoring a particular call. He was to go for a meeting that evening and so he went into the bathroom to take shower when a message came in, and out of curiosity, I opened and read the message. I almost screamed out but held myself in order not to expose myself. I could not believe my eyes: the message from a woman said his daugh­ter needed her dad and that the daugh­ters PTA meeting was coming up soon. She asked that they should see and talk because she wouldn’t be available for the meeting. She had to travel to for a few days that period to see her mum, who was critically ill in the hospital.

I was shocked and confused when I read that message. Many things went through my mind at the same time. I did not confront him until he got back from him meeting. Told him what I saw and he began to beg. He begged and begged for my forgiveness and said he did not want to lose me and that was why he didn’t tell me before our wed­ding that he had an 8-year old daughter from a previous relationship.

He said he no longer had anything to do with the mother of the child but was just doing his duty as the father. He apologized for letting me find out that way and said it had been difficult for him but he did not know how to inform me. I don’t know how to react to this and that is why I haven’t said a word to him ever since. I need your sincere ad­vice because this revelation is driving me crazy.

–Yvonne, Nigerian.

 

Dear Yvonne,

In all sincerity, I still think your husband should have told you all this before mar­riage. It is highly insensitive of him to have kept such a vital information from you all this while. There is no justification for his action at all. Nevertheless, what has hap­pened has happened. You found out and so the best way to handle this situation is to handle it with all maturity, patience and wisdom, because this will test you. Con­sider what would happen if you had to lose your home to another woman.

Silence is the worst approach you can use to communicate with your partner in a situation like this. Even though he has erred, the fact still remains that your hus­band loves you, at least I gather as much from what you have told me. This is totally heart wrenching but please consider giving him another chance.

You can help him become better than he was. Your closeness to him at this point, will make the other lady lose whatever influence she has over your husband and that way he will give his heart to the mar­riage. This is not a battle you can win by fighting or quarreling with him; instead, you should have a heart to heart conver­sation with your husband. Let him know how hurt you are and why he had to think that hiding such information from you was the best option for him. Also, let him know how much you love him, suggest that he brings his daughter home and her mother can visit depending on whatever you all agree. You should forgive him, move on and be his strength at this time. You will also need to be accommodating to man­age whatever challenges you may face from mother and daughter in the course of relat­ing with them. My heart is with you, my sister.