Women are so mysterious, most times
enigmatic. They have more layers than an onion, and no man, not even the
very wise King Solomon was able to figure them out. Women are just
confusing by default. Though many of them strive to be honest, truthful,
and forthright; truth is they do not always tell the truth. Don’t get
me wrong, men tell lies too, but most of the time, women tell the bigger
lies, especially when in a relationship, trying to lock down a
relationship, or trying to get out of one. These lies ranges from white
lies, half-truths told to keep the peace, or sometimes just a lie of the
highest proportion. Like I said, guys lie too. And maybe some of my
female readers will decide to be awesome and tell us the lies men tell
from their own perspective.
Now like I said, women tell lies
sometimes to get something from a man, get into a relationship with a
man, lock down an existing relationship with a man, or trying to get out
of a relationship with a man most times because of another man. Let’s
hear some of these lies.
- I’ve slept with just two guys:
Ordinarily, men should not bother to
ask their women how many guys they have been with before them, When a
woman is asked for her body count, she will almost definitely lie about
it and reduce the number. But the worst liars are the ones that will
tell you “I have slept with just 2 guys, the one who deflowered me, and one guy I was dating in school, and it happened only once” When
a girl tells you this, don’t believe her, don’t argue with her. Even if
she has slept with 300 men, she can tell you her body count is just 3,
and if 130, she might just tell you 13. It’s a matter of removing one or
two zeros. So, whatever your woman tells you her body count is, don’t
argue; just keep quiet. Jesus didn’t die for that, did he?
- The sex was great, you are the greatest:
Listen bros, I am not saying you are
not good in bed, But almost every woman will tell you that you are the
next best thing in bed; that the likes Crixus and Spartacus are learners
compared to you. But I need you to know that it’s hard for most women
to be frank about sex, especially when the news isn’t good and they want
to lock down the relationship with you. You are advised not to listen
to her, but rely on her body language instead.
- I have never cheated on you and I never will:
This is very easy to say for women,
especially when you are just done taking her to cloud 9; she will swear
will everything that her honey pot has never been tasted by anyone else
apart from you and it is meant for only you till thy kingdom come, she
will even swear to that effect. My advice? Don’t bother your head, don’t
start finding out, just nod like a zombie and carry on. Remember: what
you don’t know can spare you.
- I’ll be ready in a minute:
Listen very carefully: You are going
out on a date with a woman but she had earlier asked you to come to and
pick her up at home. When you get to her and she goes “I’ll be ready in a minute” Tell
her you want to get a recharge card down the road, turn your car back,
go back to your house and slot in season 1 of 24, Game of Thrones of any
interesting series. And before you are done with episode 6 probably,
she would call to ask you if you had gotten the recharge card, then you
can switch of your TV and DVD, and drive back to her house; you’d be
right on time this time.
- I’m fine:
If you offend your woman, and before you apologize, she tells you “Don’t worry, I am fine” Biko,
start calling everybody, her mother, her father, her grand uncle and
anybody that you know she listens to, and tell them you have fucked up
and you are a repentant sinner who needs forgiveness from your woman. If
you fail to do that, you can start writing your will or something close
to that.
- I will never get possessive and I will never nag you:
If any woman tells you this, it’s either she doesn’t love you at all, or you are a maga, simple! Women get possessive and women nag. If you believe otherwise, come and collect your learner permit.
- I usually don’t give guys my number, I don’t know why I am giving you:
Do you want to hear the truth? You
are the number 9,999 dude in your hood that is getting that number. So
don’t start jubilating that you have hit the jackpot, don’t dull
yourself and start loving up, play your game very fast and tap out as
quickly as you can. Yeske!
- You are the only one I ever wanted:
When a woman especially the one from 30 years and above tells you “You are the only one for me, you are the one I wanted, I have been waiting for you all my life” Just
nod and tell her she is FANTASTIC! Don’t argue, after-all you are the
fall-back option, the last resort, the only one who didn’t run. You are
the Awilo Longomba of Nigeria.
- It is not you, It is me; you deserve a better woman:
This one of the classic lies women
tell when they want to leave for a fresher, richer and more handsome
dude. You will do yourself a great favour by not drinking hypo or
Dettol. She is done with you, she is leaving. All those talk na bobo.
- My father dreamt that something bad will happen if I marry you:
I will not say much about this, if a
woman tells you this and you believe her and start hurting or running
to your pastor to pray concerning the dream, when her father’s name is
not Joseph; you will have to give me your Pastor’s number, you need to
be delivered from the spirit of mumunism. Yes, there is a word like that.
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